The first seven days of chemo are done. Wish that meant I was going to feel better today. Apparently, the first week of "recovery" can be just as bad as the chemo week... and let me tell you. It's bad.
It's funny (strange), but I get texts, gchats, emails, where people say, "how are you feeling today?" or "how are you holding up?" and the thing is, while I know people are just asking because they care, there's just no way to answer stuff like this in any meaningful way, because there just isn't the context. I mean, how I am I supposed to answer? "Today's not such a good day"? What can that really mean to people? Should I give the play-by-play about the excruciating stomach cramps I get every morning and all that goes along with them? What about other horrible discomforts? I actually want blog readers, so I'm thinking not. If you want, just look up the side effects of chemo and rest assured that I'm experiencing most of them.
Ha, perfect. I'm just getting started here, and large Russian voman, strong vith plow, comes in to tell me she needs to draw my blood, and no, not from my PICC Line, but from the vein on my other arm. You just gotta laugh at shit like this, because it happens, and it's going to keep on happening.
OK, blood drawn, let's continue. Truth is, the last few days have been really tough. I literally haven't had the energy to do anything -- even sit down at the laptop. The only reprieve came on Monday from about 4p to 8p PT. Coincidence? God's will? I don't know, but all I know is that, for a few magical hours, my body gave me a break and I was able to fully enjoy one of the most amazing football performances of my lifetime. And, just as important, I was able to share the experience with two good friends: Charles and Tripp. I even ate a small slice of pizza. So psyched that this week's game (vs. NYG) is on regular TV. Thank you, schedule-makers!
All I know is that besides that chunk of time, merely getting up to go to the bathroom literally takes every ounce of strength I have. So I just lie in bed most of the time. Tuesday was great because I just watched sports highlights most of the day. No, I didn't get sick of seeing Vick's heroics, the Halladay Cy Young, or the truth about Donovan's contract for the umpteenth time. In times like this, you relish in that stuff.
This morning was a little more challenging. After watching The Herd for an hour on ESPNews (I had no idea Colin's radio show was on TV -- I really like that dude -- sometimes, when I used to drive Floyd to daycare in the morning, I'd get to listen to him for 10 minutes -- not sure what it is about him, but I dig his shtick, even if he's not sold on Vick yet) I had to find stuff to watch.
I couldn't believe some of the old game shows (TPiR and Family Feud) were still on! Sometimes "old things" or "well known things" are comforting. Still, TPiR contestants are still as dimwitted as ever -- look at this chick for cryin-out-loud, and no, of course, she didn't win the showcase showdown:
Not quite the same without Bob Barker either, but it was a good way to kill an hour. The Feud was just as entertaining as ever, the new host was pretty good, and of course, the questions are a little raunchier. What do you think this question was?
I'll give you a hint. It started, "Name something you'd be shocked to hear that your grandmother...."
Eating has been the hardest thing. In the last 4 days combined, I probably haven't eaten as much as a normal person typically eats for a light dinner. Fortunately, we found some things that work. Orange sherbet is good, and, when that's not available, you can take a cup of apple or cran juice, stick it in the freezer for 20 minutes, and have poor-man's water-ice.
I also try to eat one triangle of toast each morning, but it's tough.
Oh yeah, I've been meaning to post the picture of the lava lamp that ejs sent me. Here it is:
Pretty cool that you can actually see the city lights in the background. They actually made me put it way yesterday because there was some inspection going on. Now that that's over, I think I'm going to re-set it up
The amazon packages keep coming and coming. Today I received seven (count 'em, 7!) books from my brother-in-law. Matt, if this treatment takes so long that I can get through all of those books, we're all in trouble. Here's 6 of them:
What to eat? Dude, I can't eat! Well, maybe at some point I'll be able to eat. The seventh one is the one I think I'll start first. Why? Because my portrait is on the cover:
See? The dude's got all the drugs flowing into his PICC Line and he's got the stupid urinal in the other hand. He doesn't look like he's having a good day, does he? At least I don't have to wear the stupid hospital gown.
On a more serious note, I'm expecting a bunch more details from my oncologist today. I'm going to try to take notes if I can, because it's hard to remember what he says most of the time. Also, I want to mention that I received the most inspiration email from one of my colleagues at work. Kirsten, I want to publicly thank you for your warmth, words of wisdom, and compassion. Both Heather and I will definitely be in touch with you as we navigate this difficult journey.
I will kick its ass,